How to Tell Your Parents You’re Eloping

Making the decision to elope is probably one of the most difficult decisions you’ll have to make as a couple. We’re living in a time now when more couples are feeling the societal pressure to have a big grand wedding, but they would personally rather spend that time, money, and energy creating something more personal. So if you’ve made the decision to elope, congrats! This is a huge step, and I’m so happy for you!

But now you have a few more decisions to make. Do you want this elopement to be just you two, your officiant, and your photographer? Or do you want to invite immediate family only? Do you want to have your ceremony be private, then celebrate with your family afterward? These are all discussions you two should have together prior to telling anyone what you’ve decided. If you don’t, you run the risk of outside parties trying to change your mind.

Now the hard part: telling your parents. 

This might be a bit of a bomb drop, depending on who your parents are. So when you do finally tell them, it’s important to frame the elopement in a positive light, rather than a negative one. Let’s say you and your partner love nature, and you’ve decided to elope in a national park, rent a cabin for 10, and have a little celebration afterward. Here’s what that looks like:

Negative: “We’re eloping because we don’t want to spend the money on a big wedding.”

Positive: “We’re choosing to start our marriage off by focusing on what really matters to us, which means a private ceremony followed by an intimate celebration.”

Negative: “We don’t want anyone except our officiant and photographer at the wedding.”

Positive: “Because we want to keep our ceremony personal and private, we’re planning on saying our vows to only each other, and then celebrating with everyone after!”

Negative: “There are too many decisions to make with a big wedding. I don’t care what color the tablecloths are!”

Positive: “We want to focus our energy on creating something very personal and representative of us, both as individuals and as a couple. This is why we’ve chosen to hold a more intimate celebration with only the VIPs in attendance.”

Of course, these are just starting points. But if you bust out of the gate telling your parents you’ll be eloping, their first thought will be: “Why? Who’s pregnant??” You have to remember that the previous generations have always seen eloping as a negative thing, when we know in the 21st century that it’s so much more than just running away to get married.

So let’s say that conversation goes over well, and they’re excited for you to elope, but you’ve decided to just hold a private ceremony, and they’re less than enthused. There are still so many ways you can involve your family leading up to the big day, so they don’t have to feel like they didn’t have any part in your wedding.

For starters, just because you’re eloping doesn’t mean you can’t look dope as hell in an amazing suit or dress. If you want to, invite your parents to go along with you to pick it out. Invite them to your fittings. They can still get that experience of helping you pick out the attire you’ll be married in, and this will help them feel like they had a hand in your big day.

Another option is asking your parents to help you either pick a local florist to create your florals, or you can ask them to help you create your own florals for the day. Your parents can help you pick out the “We eloped!” announcement that you’ll send out to your friends and family after the day is done. If you choose to hold an intimate celebration afterward, your parents can help you find the venue and pick out any decorations you might want, or they can help you find a food/drink solution.

If you do decide to just “run away” together and not involve any family or friends, I’d encourage you to find a photographer that will send you same-day sneak peeks. Or maybe you can find a videographer who can stream the ceremony while it’s happening. This way, you will not only have photos immediately after your day, but your family will too! This will also help them feel involved and like they were part of the day, even from afar. Ultimately, your goal will most likely be to keep the peace and not hurt anyone’s feelings. These little actions can mean so much when your family is as invested in your happiness as you are.

If you’re loving these ideas and want help planning your own elopement, get in touch, and let’s do this!